3.25.2008

take me somewhere that i don't know

i will not be stranded here this time. i've found escape and it's a state of mind.

3.18.2008

my MPD

Lately i've been thinking about Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and wondering if that might explain some things. i mean, the idea that i could potentially be acting a certain way and not remembering it is totally feesible. The relationship i have with my cats is borderline MPD as it is. and i recall a time when my sister and i weren't totally sure we weren't the same person. Like maybe her moving to hawaii is actually just the fading out of my KT personality and now she's coming back for a visit. which is very exciting. and perhaps some new personalities have come into the picture.

Sometimes i think that maybe everything that goes on in the world is just a product of my MPD and i'm not really me, but i'm everyone. And you're everyone, so we're the same person, but you're just another wrinkle in my brain. catch my drift?

i'm lost

i feel like any part of me that was every even remotely creative has been destroyed by inhibitions, worry and inability to sleep.
i like to think that at one point in time i was creative even if just a little. but now i question whether or not i actually was or it was just a trick.
Now it feels like it's much easier to be unimpressive.
i envy your artistic abilities, i always have.
this feeling makes me want to quit my job and move back in with my parents.
i'm tired of being an adult. time to be a kid again.

3.13.2008

i got to drop my boy off at school yesterday. i felt like a part time mom. hah. it was nice. good to see you're still alive and well.

3.10.2008

This weekend: and Overview

Saturday:

The talent show. Superb! i think we got the best audience reaction of any skit saturday night. As soon as people realized what was going on (when fozzie and kermit appeared) they flipped out and were screaming and cheering us on. and afterwards all the little kids ran over to us and were climbing all over us and asking to play with the puppets. it was pretty satisfactory.

Sunday:
After breaking my phone and getting a new one then running into daniel and devon totally randomly and then starting the creep justin out plan. we went to the vandals show. ohmygosh so good. i think i needed a good fun punk show really bad. i remember now why i stopped getting to into crowds and mosh pits (i'm a big bruise today) and i also now know why punk girls have shaved heads/short hair. i don't think i've ever lost that much hair in such a short time. but the crowd was awesome. not by any means bothersome or annoying, kind of an older crowd, which makes sense cause the vandals are getting old. it was almost like all these old punk guys brought their 12-16 year old really awesome kids. it was also the cleanest crowd i've ever been in. usually when you're in a crowd covered in other people's sweat it smells awful like death b.o. and the stinkiest farts. but it smelled like shampoo and flowers and perfume. even the big fat guys smelled kinda nice. that was a shocker. and even when you did get knocked over or loose your glasses some big 40 year old guy immediately dove down to pick you up and make sure you're okay or help you find your glasses. and besides all that the vandals just put on an awesome show. they were hilariuos and just all around really amazing. i'm glad i went. so thanks to mike for inviting me.

3.07.2008

"you said i'd wake up and get drunk alone in the park. i called you a liar"

all day today i've felt like screaming. not at anyone or thing. just screaming. i need you to give me a hug. that's all i can ask.
i bought my sister a plane ticket to home.
tomorrow all of our hard work will be put to use. this is only a prelude of things to come. just wait you'll fall in love with our art. there are very few artists out there like us. the best are dead. does that mean we'll die young?
i'm nervous or anxious(for a completely unrelated reason i think.) i know what will make that go away even though i don't know why i am nervous. and more sad i can't make it go away not today or tomorrow. maybe the next day